I often think about suck up’s in the office. I find these folks ridiculous.  It is my belief that one moves forward professionally based on skills and talents, not on how much you can butter people, hang on their every day, agree with everything they say, and basically do their job for them. Boot lickers. Suck ups. Brown nosers. Whatever you want to call them, I abhor it.  And I am not capable of doing it.

However, an article in Bloomberg’s Business Week in June discussed the concept of high self monitors, or those persons who are adaptable to social systems. They even used the word chameleon.  To me, suck ups to adapt to each person, but I do not think they refer to the same thing.   High self-monitors adapt to fit the situation. They are still themselves, but more understanding of the behaviors, attitudes, personalities, linguistic level, etc.  The key, again, is they are still themselves, not a mini me of the person they are with. One experiment they discuss is a person shaking her leg and without realizing it, high self monitors will begin to do the same.

There are some that are natural self-monitors.  The article indicated Bill Clinton and Oprah.  I will let you be the judge if you agree or agree not.  At times, I have considered myself this way. I have learned how to get along with just about anyone due to all the moving I did growing up. I never thought moving around was beneficial at the time, but as I have gotten older, I have seen how this knowledge became a part of me that I never knew existed.  I have worked with many companies and have been told on more than one occasion that it has felt like I have been a part of the team forever and not just started working there a few months ago.  Why is this?

The article goes on to say that there are ways those that are not naturally high self-monitors can learn this.  First, be vulnerable. This, as you know from many prior posts, is the key to leadership but also to life in my opinion.  In this case, just sharing a treasured memory can be seen as vulnerability because it has great meaning to you and you have allowed another to share in this.  Sure beats talk about the weather.  Another option is proximity. If your office is in the corner, by the windows because you liked the view, consider the disadvantage you have in not being more in the thick of things with others on your team.  How do you create more connection when you are away from them like that?  And lastly, if you know of someone who you see as a high self-monitor, spend a bit more time with them.  What they do can be contagious!

Suck up’s take note – being a mini-me will only get you so far.

Many people actually say cleaning the house is more enjoyable than sitting in the same room with their boss.

Of course, the feared/hated boss has NO awareness to know or feel this.  Respected and loved managers? They actually want to do well by their team and want to do a good job in their role.

My experience so far: there are too many jerks, assholes and unaware managers than anyone wants to admit.  I look forward to Robert Sutton’s latest book,  Good Boss-Bad Boss: How to be the Best.. and learn from the worst. His other book, the No-Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving one that isn’t was awesome.

This quote comes from a boss named “gschaadt ” who wrote a comment in response to my post (with the great picture) on A Shitty View of the Pecking Order. The complete comment is

I always tell the people who work for me the same thing:

My job is to hold the umbrella so the shit from above doesn’t hit you.

Your job is to keep me from having to use it.

I think this is  brilliant because there is so much wisdom on so many levels.  First, it is really funny, especially when paired with the picture in the post.  Second, there is deep wisdom there about the relationship between a good boss and good followers — these are mutually supportive relationships, not one way. Even the best boss can’t do everything.  This boss –”gschaadt “– is more than willing to go to bat for his people.   But the implication for him or any other boss is, if people keep creating conditions where he or she constantly has to protect them, say, from superiors that they piss-off because they do shoddy work or break too many rules or anything else– a point comes where the difficult employee ends-up undermining the boss’s reputation, the reputation of his or her team, and ultimately hurting everyone involved.

This especially struck me because, as I said in my last post, I am working on an HBR article on how good bosses serve as a human shield, protecting their people in all sorts of ways, but there comes a point where a follower has messed-up so much that smart bosses don’t open the umbrella to protect that one troublesome person because, otherwise, he or she –and the rest of the team — will all get in such deep shit that they will never be able to dig out.  At the same time, walking this line isn’t easy because some of the most creative and productive people are also sometimes the most difficult, weird, or annoying.

This is yet another example of why the best bosses realize they are always doing a balancing act.  It reminds me of Marc Hershon (co-author of I Hate People and also the guy who named the Blackberry and the Swiffer) and what he said after reading some early chapters of Good Boss, Bad Boss. Marc suggeste another name for the book could be “Top Dog on a Tightrope.”

Good Boss, Bad Boss delves into many different hallmarks of great (and awful) bosses.  But when people ask me what the central idea is, I say that the good ones are self-aware and the bad ones live in a fool’s paradise (See this recent post at HBR for more discussion of this point)– the good ones know what it feels like to work for them, are aware of their weaknesses, and constantly make little adjustments in response to the moods and moves of the people around them, while the bad ones are remarkably clueless (a huge hazard of being a human-being, check the new book The Invisible Gorilla if you want evidence of how overconfident and clueless most of us are most of the time).

As such, I was interested to see a press release yesterday of a long-term study done a consulting firm called Green Peak Partners of 72 executives. Here is the summary, which they call “When it Comes to Business Leadership, Nice Guys Finish First.” I was pleased to see their findings that “bully traits” and poor interpersonal skills where hallmarks of bad leaders, given that it provides more fodder for The No Asshole Rule. But I was even more interested to see their finding that:

Leadership searches give short shrift to “self-awareness,” which should actually be a top criterion. A high self-awareness score was the strongest predictor of overall success. “Executives who are aware of their weaknesses are often better able to hire subordinates who perform well in areas in which the leader lacks acumen.”

This is not the first study to make this point, but it is interesting to see how the drumbeat for self-awareness and how tough it is to achieve for any human-being, especially those in power keeps getting louder.

P.S. In the name of evidence-based management, I should point-out that the description in the press release makes it pretty hard to tell what they did in this study, as they don’t provide much information about the sample (I think it is a non-random sample of 72 folks), about how they measured performance (I couldn’t always tell if they were talking about executive performance or organizational performance or both), or the nature of the instruments they used to measure the predictors like interpersonal skills and such.  Sometimes consulting firms develop proprietary methods and won’t tell you about it — that is what I like about academic research, you have to show this stuff or it does not get published.  Also, never forget confirmation bias, that we all see what we want to see — and I like the findings of this research, it supports my book, so the flaws may bother me less because it supports my perspective.

If the above photo resembles a typical leadership meeting at your place of work then you may want to read this post. FACT: Leaders who lack emotional control won’t remain in a position of leadership for long. There has been no shortage of information published on the topic of Emotional IQ or what’s referred to as EQ in recent years. After all, being in touch with your emotions, as well as being in tune with the emotions of others is an important trait for any leader to possess. However I believe the more important emotional trait for CEOs and entrepreneurs to gain mastery over is what I call EC or emotional control. In today’s post I’ll discuss the value of gaining control over your emotions…

Business can be tough, and the outcomes of certain events or decisions often seem far from fair…Just when you’re sailing along with the perception that all is well, you can be hit out of left field with a situation or circumstance that can bring even the most sophisticated CEO to their knees. Even if you don’t find yourself having to frequently deal with extreme situations, it is often nothing more than normal dealings in the ordinary course of business that can place you at a nexus…Do you make your decision based upon the facts at hand and sound decisioning metrics, or do you let your emotions drive your decisions?

Over the years I have observed countless examples of people who jeopardize their future to satisfy an emotional need, when what they should have done was protect their future by exhibiting control over their emotions. I have witnessed otherwise savvy executives place the need for emotional security and superiority ahead of achieving their mission (not that they always understood this at the time). Case in point…have you ever witnessed an employee throw a fit of rage and resign their position in the heat of the moment? If you have, what you really watched was a person indulging their emotions rather than protecting their future.

The message here while a basic one, is nonetheless mission critical for leaders…Keep your wits about you and never let them see you sweat. Emotional outbursts, rants, and rages will rarely do anything but cause you to make poor decisions and to lose credibility. There’s an old saying that goes: “When you lose your temper, you lose.” I believe that with a loss of your temper you can lose your credibility, your influence, and your ultimately your ability to lead. It shouldn’t go without note that perhaps more important that “what” you lose is “who” you can lose when you don’t maintian emotional control. Regardless of what might be tugging at your emotional strings, leaders need to remain calm while assessing the situation at hand. Make decisions based upon the big picture, and never based upon heat of the moment emotions.

I have only raised my voice in the workplace twice during my career and both times I have regretted it tremendously. The reality is that whether you’re right or wrong isn’t at issue when you lose emotional control because people won’t remember anything other than the fact you blew your top. Great CEOs lead by example…they set the tone for others in the organization by demonstrating proactive, rational, logical and balanced thinking as opposed reactionary emotional thinking. Resist the temptation to give way to emotional decisioning and you’ll see your career and company soar to new heights of success.

When you look at your organization and see the leaders around you, as well as look within, what do you see?  Do you believe these leaders to be leaders? Do you have your own beliefs of what makes a good a leader? Do you even meet them?

I am a big fan of the Center for Creative Leadership as I learned much about them having lived in North Carolina and seeing how they impacted leaders who worked with them. I always wanted to go and would love to work for them one day.  They asked a great question of 2,200 leaders from 15 organizations, in three countries between 2006 and 2008 – do the leaders within your organization have the skills they need to be successful in the future?-

This is what they found. The 7 leadership skills that are most critical for success, now and in the future, are:

1. Leading people: directing and motivating people.
2. Strategic planning: translating vision into realistic business strategies, including long-term objectives.
3. Managing change: using effective strategies to facilitate organizational change.
4. Inspiring commitment: recognizing and rewarding employees’ achievements.
5. Resourcefulness: working effectively with top management.
6. Doing whatever it takes: persevering under adverse conditions.
7. Being a quick learner: quickly learning new technical or business knowledge.

Interestingly, they go on to say that some organizations reported greater strength in these areas but weren’t seen as important as the 7 above:

• building and mending relationships,
• compassion and sensitivity,
• cultural adaptability,
• respecting individual differences,
• composure,
• and self-awareness.

Again, I disagree. I think the bottom 5 are more important than the top 7. Why? Because the top 7 can be coached, learned, developed.

The bottom 5 are harder to coach and develop. I say this because it requires one to look within, to have humility, to be vulnerable, and to admit imperfection.  Most leaders do not take the time to reflect, learn from their relational mistakes and try to use that learning to do better. Actually most don’t want to.  What often happens is ego gets in the way and a leader believes it is the other person’s issue; never their own. But let’s face it, when there are issues in an organization, they are often relational. Conflicts arise and they become personal. Coalitions develop. Stonewalling occurs. Contempt starts to breed. Seems to me you would be left with individuals instead of teams.   Leadership is about having a vision and inspiring people to commit.  Therefore, to me, leadership is about people. If you are not committed to the people in your organization, how are you accomplishing your goals?

I was reading the latest issue of Business Week last night and read the following from Joe Torre, the Dodgers manager, about his decision to leave the Yankees.  I think we often wonder the real reasons why people do things and in the sporting and celebrity world, the assumption is often money.  However, this case, it was quite what one might think.

“I was offered a very nice contract from the Yankees [after the 2007] season but it was a reduction in pay. I could get the money back if we won this, that, and the other thing. I was insulted that they thought I needed to be motivated financially to go out there and do a better job. That’s when I walked away”.

This kind of motivation, dangling a financial carrot, does not seem to work for him. And I don’t see how it would for anyone, or at least not for long.  Oh wait, this is exactly the kind of carrot that is dangled in front of CEO’s. If the stock price rises, you get a bigger bonus.  Hmm, at what cost do some CEO’s make unethical decisions based on an individual decision to increase their bottom line without regard for everyone else?  How many pensions of an ordinary person no different from myself, have been wiped out by greedy executives?

Shouldn’t the motivation be more about effectiveness? Bringing value to the world? Creating quality product or providing a valuable service?  This is based on people. Not a person at the top (or persons), but people.  There is a reason there are 150,000 employees at Bank of America or Lockheed Martin (an old estimate I’m sure).   I am only one but I wish a bonus to be reflective of the value I have brought, not how I manipulated the system so that we looked good. I want my organization to actually be good.  I wonder, can some of the executives and those big dogs on Wall Street truly say they have been good? I am sure there are many taxpayers who would disagree.

Do you connect with people? When you are talking to someone, are you really listening to that person? Or do you instead scan the room – constantly?  Do you listen with half an ear or are really present in the conversation? Do you ask questions that lead with curiosity or are you waiting for your turn to talk?  Do you add value or just stand there thinking about other things you would rather be doing?

In short, are you connecting when you are conversing?

John Maxwell has a new book out called Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Now, first, I don’t agree. I don’t think everyone communicates. I think everyone believes they do, but they do not.  But I will let it slide, since it’s just my opinion.  But I do agree that those that communicate, there isn’t always connection or relational development.  I think this is hugely important. There are many books that address this insular state of being (Bowling Alone is one such book) that continues to increase. I do think we depend on technological tools more than we used to, but as I’ve said before, some of those tools increase the connectivity we have instead of reducing it.

I moved around so much when I was younger, to write letters was a challenge for connectivity. We moved from Greenwood, Indiana to South Bend, Indiana to Harrisonburg, Virginia, within 3 years (thankfully during each summer). Cell phones and email were not there and long distance was expensive.  To maintain close ties to your friends by letter was possible, but let me tell you, if you moved like this, the challenge increased.  Now? I can talk to my friends in Pittsburgh, Harrisonburg, Raleigh, Charlotte, Atlanta, Columbia, San Diego, Bloomington, Chicago, etc. by so many means imaginable, being connected is no longer an issue.

Yes, I am a relator per Gallup’s StrengthsFinder themes. A positivist too.  So connecting with others, building relationships, is my natural state of being. But I think we can all be like this  by just being present when we are with others, giving them your full attention, and being curious.   How do you connect with others?

What do I believe in besides vulnerability? Love, positivity and fun.  I know, you think this to be all whoooy-balooey.  Froo froo stuff. Too soft.  Well I disagree, and some of the largest companies agree with me.

Who you are cannot be segregated by personal vs. professional. You are a whole person who brings the whole you to work and to home.  Therefore, it is my belief that having a heart in the workplace is important. If you want to read more about this, check Kouzes and Posner’s The Leadership Challenge or Encouraging the Heart. Excellent books by leading authors in the leadership field. I have talked of this before but showing that you care, that you appreciate, and value another person is not soft. It is a valuable trait that makes an incredible difference in the workplace. Ask Herb Kelleher of Southwest Airlines.

Positivity and fun go hand in hand in my opinion. As a leader, you must reflect positivity in the workplace. Don’t let shit roll downhill. Don’t emulate the climate of those above you. Create the environment you want for your group and support each person.  Keep everyone moving forward, allowing for mistakes the associated learning that comes with, and create an atmosphere of joy.  At the same time,  bring fun in and laugh, make jokes, have fun. This is a great boost to productivity, creativity and overall desire to do work.  Ask Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com who has a new book out about this very thing, Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion, and Purpose.

This does not mean you don’t have to be a tough boss, who expects a lot and challenges others.  You can do all of this.

The greatest compliment I received today was from a friend and former coworker. It was out of the blue, but she told me that I was the best boss she had ever had, that I challenged her more than anyone but I also believed in her fully.  It almost made me cry. That was 4 years ago and she mentioned that she hadn’t had a good boss since.  This is the true measure of how I am doing – what others believe of me as a leader.

I believe we all evolve as leaders.  Wait, that is not completely true. There are some truly bad leaders out there that remain bad and only get worse. But that is still evolution just not the way I think it should go.  Yuppers, lots of Anissa opinion going to be infused in this post so be ready.  I have been watching idly by lately and have had enough.  Between government, big business  (I really wish BP would read the below), and even locally within the state, I am tired of ineffective leaders.

First, I don’t believe leadership is a title.  Just because you have one doesn’t mean anything to me unless you believe your title has magic and you use that power to threaten, rule by fear, coerce, or otherwise, put down the rest of us little people you believe us to be.  Your leading by your title does not create respect or trust.  For those of you who do this, think about that for a second.  Does your team respect you? Trust you? Want to make you look good?  If you don’t outright say yes immediately and know it to be true, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Second, I think we are all leaders.  This may be in government, school, work, church, your neighborhood, your high school, your professional organization, etc.  At any time, we are all leaders and we are all followers. If you remember this, a leader can be more compassionate instead of power hungry.  A leader understands that they do not exist without followers.  That a true leader is a servant to others (hence servant leadership). Do those in your department, group or team believe in your vision (if you have one & you have shared it – big assumption on my part) and help you achieve it?  If you are leading the charge and there is no one, or few, behind you, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Third, leaders know their team.  They know each person, what they do, their strengths, their motivations, and where they want to go.  As a leader, can you say this? If you can’t, then you better sit down and take the time.  And this does not mean once a year during the performance review (which I find ridiculous – these conversations  should be ongoing and regularly occurring throughout the year).  Leading is about people not tasks, not sitting in committee meetings, not sitting in your own office all day long. As an extension, does your team actively stop by your office/desk to talk to you, not just about work but about random things? If no one, or few, do this, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Fourth, leaders don’t play favorites. If you make the effort to only get to know a few really well, only give these people the extra opportunities, only take them to lunch, only take the time to laugh with them and show your human side, you are especially not a leader in my eyes. We might as well be back in high school.

Fifth, leaders talk.  I don’t mean communicate, I mean talk.  What are your plans for the department, group or team? What are you trying to accomplish now? What is happening in the organization? This should be regularly and consistently shared. We should hear more from you, all the time. Believe me, a chief complaint is that communication sucks in any organization – so what are you waiting for?  And if you complain that there is too much water cooler talk, this is YOUR fault.  In the face of ambiguity or lack of communication from YOU, there is no information being shared.  People will band together, support each other and share the small tidbits they pick up and try to cobble together what is happening. You aren’t a leader in my eyes if you believe that it is your team’s fault for the acting this way. You need to look within.

Sixth, leaders create the climate.  If you think the climate in your department, group or team isn’t supportive, is negative, tense, and people are constantly calling sick because of stress, YOU created this and YOU must fix it. A leader knows and if you don’t, you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Seventh, leaders are reflective learners. Do you take the time to think about who you are as a leader? Where you have been and where you want to go? I am not talking about titles or roles.  I am talking about your style. Do you know what it is?  Do you know its impact on others? Do you readily know areas you need to enhance or are your blind spots? Do you know the behaviors that grate on others (the do as I say, not as I do variety). Do you take the time to read about other leaders and think about those aspects relative to yourself?  Or, do you think yourself impervious, superior, perfect, and in need of no leadership style change in any way?  The chief leadership trait that is more important than any other is vulnerability, in my opinion. I look for this in leaders and believe this is THE trait that epitomizes leaders. If you can be vulnerable, admit your mistakes, show that you need the expertise of others, that you don’t know everything, then your courage, your integrity, and your humanity shine through.  Are you vulnerable in any way? If you aren’t, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Eight, leaders aren’t paranoid. If you are, then you need to look inside and figure out why.  Hire a coach, go to a therapist, seek out a mentor. But the problem is yours, not your department, group or team. And if you believe it is, then you need to get everyone together and LISTEN.  Ask the question about how they feel things are going and how you are doing as a leader, and then sit back and listen. The only thing you do is take notes and if you must talk, say thank you for the feedback.  Then follow back with everyone on the areas you are going to work on and ask them to be your monitor so they can congratulate you when you make strides (no matter how small). All of this takes vulnerability. Do you have it?  If you aren’t willing to do something about your paranoia, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes.

Ninth, leaders know how to have healthy conflict.  If you have surrounded yourself by people who kiss your ass & do whatever you want, and are basically mini versions of you, then you aren’t a leader in my eyes.  Leaders know that this isn’t leadership at all. This is just hero-worship and those persons kissing your ass hope you will help them with their own careers, giving them extra perks along the way.  Bobble-heads do you no good.  If everyone has given up and stopped sparring about issues, just letting you make decisions unilaterally, you aren’t a leader, you are a dictator.  Healthy conflict is a good thing. You, the team and the organization gain so much more from this. But if you fear conflict, again, you need to look at some of the advice in Eight above.

Tenth, if you have felt that any of this has been written about you dear reader, then you need to look within now at those areas above that pissed you off..  Those are the areas that you know, deep down under all those protective layers, are the real leadership issues that you need to tackle. So go tackle them. And don’t think about this once, today. Think about this often and regularly and start DOING something to change. It is the only true way you can be a leader now and forever.