How do you connect?

Do you connect with people? When you are talking to someone, are you really listening to that person? Or do you instead scan the room – constantly?  Do you listen with half an ear or are really present in the conversation? Do you ask questions that lead with curiosity or are you waiting for your turn to talk?  Do you add value or just stand there thinking about other things you would rather be doing?

In short, are you connecting when you are conversing?

John Maxwell has a new book out called Everyone Communicates, Few Connect. Now, first, I don’t agree. I don’t think everyone communicates. I think everyone believes they do, but they do not.  But I will let it slide, since it’s just my opinion.  But I do agree that those that communicate, there isn’t always connection or relational development.  I think this is hugely important. There are many books that address this insular state of being (Bowling Alone is one such book) that continues to increase. I do think we depend on technological tools more than we used to, but as I’ve said before, some of those tools increase the connectivity we have instead of reducing it.

I moved around so much when I was younger, to write letters was a challenge for connectivity. We moved from Greenwood, Indiana to South Bend, Indiana to Harrisonburg, Virginia, within 3 years (thankfully during each summer). Cell phones and email were not there and long distance was expensive.  To maintain close ties to your friends by letter was possible, but let me tell you, if you moved like this, the challenge increased.  Now? I can talk to my friends in Pittsburgh, Harrisonburg, Raleigh, Charlotte, Atlanta, Columbia, San Diego, Bloomington, Chicago, etc. by so many means imaginable, being connected is no longer an issue.

Yes, I am a relator per Gallup’s StrengthsFinder themes. A positivist too.  So connecting with others, building relationships, is my natural state of being. But I think we can all be like this  by just being present when we are with others, giving them your full attention, and being curious.   How do you connect with others?

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